CMC: Culinary Mastodonic Calamity

Celebrity MasterChef is set to air at 7:30 tonight. For a fleeting moment a short while back, I was under the impression that it was going to be about celebrity chefs.. Until my boss went to Melbourne for a shoot with Anna Bligh vs. Underbelly Guy cooking or should I say murdering Szechuan pepper duck. Oh how wrong I was. All my hopes and dreams of seeing professional chefs on free to air TV were cruelly dashed. So it most definitely won't be as good or as exciting as I was hoping it would be, though I'll probably watch it tonight anyway. Just to confirm that it's crap.

(By the way, does anyone know what the go is with this Macca's Chef thing? I clicked on the link out of curiosity, thinking "Is this shit for real?!"..)

Anyway back to the line-up: George Negus, Simon Westaway, Kirk Pengilly, Josh Thomas, Ryan O'Keefe, Alex Lloyd, Rachael Finch, Faustina Agolley, Alex Perry, Michelle Bridges, Peter Fitzsimons, Eamon Sullivan, Anna Bligh, Indira Naidoo, Kathleen De Leon, Peter Rowsthorn, Simon Katich and Wendy Harmer.

I'm wondering what market this new version of MasterChef is aimed at. At this present moment I'm expecting it to be a cross between 'Dancing With The Stars' and 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here'. For the record, I only ever viewed 'Dancing with the Stars' on two occasions and then, it was only to catch glimpses of the highly attractive professionals.

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Regrettably, I don't think I have anything positive to say about this. It seems almost blasphemous to the original MasterChef. Oh well.. At least it appears that Matt Preston has partially removed his abhorrent sideburns.

Something to Nibble on..

It's a hard life working in a kitchen. Especially when that kitchen happens to be the size of my bedroom with four anxious, sweaty chefs crammed in-between the bench and burners and the ginormous decorative plant that sits in the middle of the pass. It's an open kitchen which means we're in full view of every customer and person who walks by on the street from the moment we enter until the moment we leave. The presence of my boss in the public eye is a reminder too that our actions are constantly scrutinised, even outside of work. Perfection is always the goal, especially when it comes to the food. Taste, season, taste, adjust, taste, taste, taste!

I loathe to say it but yesterday on my day off, I ate two minute noodles for dinner. Spicy Beef Flavor with dehydrated vegetables and MSG. Don't lie, I know you do it too! While everyone else sits down for their meals of breakfast, lunch and dinner, time does not unfortunately afford us chefs this luxury. Breakfast is my only regular meal and always consists of the same thing - fruit with yoghurt and cereal. At lunch time you'll often find me fishing a chicken wing out of the stock pot to nibble on in-between prep jobs and for dinner I just scavenge what I can from the nights service before it goes into the bin.


It's funny, the grazing. Even when I'm not working and tasting, I feel like I should be. I seem to be perpetually on the lookout for a little something to eat here and there - an apple, a handful of nuts, a wedge of cheese.. This is a recipe for crackers to nibble on with all of the above. It's terribly easy to make and doesn't require any skill whatsoever.

Pepper Crackers
adapted from Spice by Christine Manfield

240 g flour
2 g black pepper
2 g sea salt flakes
4 g castor sugar
50 g lemon juice
100 g water
50 g olive oil

Combine all dry ingredients in one bowl.
Combine all wet ingredients in another bowl.
Add wet ingredients to dry and mix until it forms a cohesive mass.
Wrap in clingfilm and rest for 1 hour.
Preheat oven to 160ºC.
Divide dough into 6 pieces.
Roll each piece through a pasta machine from widest setting to no.6 (where 1 is the thickest and 9 is the thinnest).
Cut into desired shapes and place straight onto a heavy-based steel tray.
Bake for 20 minutes, rotating halfway.
Cool on tray for a few minutes then move to a wire rack to complete cooling.
Store in an airtight container.

On The Side..

Just a small note - I've finally found my horseradish mayo recipe that was used in this sandwich not so long ago.

Horseradish Mayonnaise

1 egg yolk
9 g horseradish cream
2 g mild mustard
2 g salt
4 g lime juice
6 cracks of black pepper
60 g vegetable oil

Whisk together all ingredients except oil in a small bowl until incorporated.
Slowly drizzle in oil, whisking continuously to ensure proper emulsion.

Change is in the Air

PS. my blog has finally moved home to http://aficionado-x.blogspot.com/

Hello new blog! Goodbye ridiculously irrelevant url!

What Happens to Fat?

To mark the World Congress on Oils and Fats and 28th ISF Congress held in Sydney from the 27-30th of September 2009, Foodservice Magazine - an industry publication released monthly, will be focusing on the use of frying fats after life in the kitchen. I was approached for an interview in the media office after attempting and failing miserably to obtain photos of the Fine Food expo at Darling Harbour.

"We just use generic canola oil.. I think.. Umm.. But don't quote me on that." I stammered.

What I meant to say a little more eloquently was:
"Having just been awarded the newly appointed SMH Sustainability Award, it's clear that the restaurant (Billy Kwong) is at the forefront of sustainable practices in the foodservice industry. We take great pride in using some of the best produce available and while it is inevitable that waste is created, we do our best to recycle as much as possible, including the oils used for cooking during each service."

Phew. If only my mouth was as quick as my feet.

According to the cute interviewer there are chefs who recycle their dirty oil to be used as biofuel for their own cars. An interesting proposition indeed. At Aria I was told that the rancid oil we dumped into a huge stinking vat in the carpark was picked up and recycled into cosmetic goods and soaps. At Catalonia a big truck came along and took all our tins of dirty oil to only god knows where. Currently, noodle man Jimmy filters our oil twice a week and sends it off for a second life at another restaurant before it goes to lipid heaven. What happens after reincarnation though, I have no idea..

Flower Bank

A nasturtium plant has completely overtaken the steep slope in our front garden. Its curling tendrils seem to grasp at anything nearby and are smothering the beans, corn, beetroot and coriander that I planted in early autumn only a few short months ago. It manages to reach even the far wall and climbs upwards, alongside the trailing ivy.

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It's not without benefits though. Normally frost has its growth tamed but this year, without so much as a whispery breath of chilly morning air, it comes alive bearing great gifts. Deeply-coloured orange and yellow flowers lie among the pads of green. The scent attracts a pair of snowy white butterflies that flit through every morning for an early lunch. The Complete Book of Flowers by Denise Diamond provides some educational insight on this common edible garden species, related to watercress and with a similar peppery bite.

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"Nasturtium flowers were first found in South America in the sixteenth century. Their popularity reached a peak during Victorian Times when flowers and their bright green round leaves were grown in gardens and used for food and flower arrangements. In frost-free areas nasturtiums may be raised as perennials. They are grown easily as seasonal annuals in other areas and prefer average soil with little fertilizer and adequate water. They will trail along the ground, spill over the side of a container, or climb up a fence. The single or double flowers bloom profusely in shades of orange, red, or yellow. They grow best out of direct, hot sun in warmer climates or with full sun in cooler, coastal gardens. Too much shade or excess nitrogen in the soil will produce lush foliage with few flowers.

In herbal tradition nasturtiums have been known for their antiseptic qualities, their ability to help fight infection, as an expectorant, and as a source of vitamin C."

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This recipe is an adaptation from one I found in an excellent book called A Year in a Bottle by Sally Wise - a collection of recipes for over 100 preserves, with chapters including jams, jellies, relishes, pickles, dehydrated foods, frozen fruits, fruit pastes, fruit cheeses and so forth. Aphids seem to love nasturtium flowers, especially the bright yellow colours. A quick spray with the hose before picking should do the trick and if you see any still clinging on for dear life, they can be removed with a quick flick of a fine-haired paint brush. When separating the petals from the stamen and sepal, I found it easiest to simply cut away the petals with a pair of sharp kitchen scissors onto a blanket of paper towel, minimising damage and bruising.

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Nasturtium Petal Syrup

55 g nasturtium petals (about 7 cups)
875 g water
790 g castor sugar
85 g lemon juice

Combine water, sugar and lemon juice in a medium-sized pot.

Bring it to the boil then reduce to simmer.

Add nasturtium petals and simmer gently for 1 hour.

Strain through a fine sieve and into sterilised bottles.

Store in a cool, dark place and refrigerate after opening.

Now.. If only I knew what to do with it.. Any ideas people? Hmm.. a nasturtium-flavoured custard perhaps?
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(Submitted for this months Sugar High Friday with Mmm, Tasty! Don't forget to join in!)